


Tremble and Fall

by SummerRunaway



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, I'm Sorry, Internal Conflict, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-23
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-19 05:52:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3598785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SummerRunaway/pseuds/SummerRunaway
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel hadn't wanted the reunion to turn out with him sobbing on the ground.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tremble and Fall

**Author's Note:**

> After months of not writing anything, I've been in a big writing mood.
> 
> I would say I have no idea where this came from, but I have a very good idea. I direct some very special thanks in the direction of the Sam Winchester in our Shamchat conversation that inspired this fic - we were getting somewhere then my Internet cut out, dammit.
> 
> So, angsty Sabriel for you all. Gabriel's probably OOC as hell, but I like to write him like that.

It took a while for Gabriel to finally find a loophole to get into the bunker. The place had been warded exceptionally well despite the time it was built, and it was hard for even an archangel to get into – which was funny, because in the 20th century, angels didn’t exist, according to the Men of Letters. But it seemed all the other sigils were enough to create a barrier strong enough to keep the archangel out…almost.

Locating the main room, Gabriel raised his hand and snapped his fingers.

_Well, it’s big,_ he thought, then snorted inwardly. _Understatement, Gabriel._

Obviously the place had been built to fit dozens, possibly hundreds of people, but Gabriel had never really anticipated the quiet emptiness of the space. He knew only the Winchesters were living in it, but for some reason, he’d expected some more life in the place.

The only life he could see was a man sitting at one end of a long table, head on the hard wooden surface, hands folded underneath his face, which was partially covered by still-too-long hair. Sprawled around him were about a dozen leather bound books, and a laptop lay half-open beside him.

Gabriel grinned, hopping up onto the table and tip-toeing across it, before taking a seat right in front of the man’s face, leaning over to whisper in his ear.

“Hiya, Sam.”

The man’s eyes shot open immediately, and he was scrambling out of his seat, pulling a gun out of the waistband of his pants and aiming it at the archangel, who was sitting cross-legged on the table with a smirk.

“Don’t think that’s gonna help you against little old me, Sammy.” Gabriel said pointedly, flicking his hand. The gun flew out of Sam’s grasp and landed on the floor with a clatter a good few metres away. Sam stared at him, shoulders still tense and eyes wide.

“What- but- I don’t- _Gabriel_?”

Gabriel’s grin widened. “I believe that is my name, yes.”

Sam stepped forward cautiously, eyebrows furrowed. “But I saw- you were-” He sighed, and Gabriel saw him visibly relax as he decided to take a different approach. “Hi.”

The archangel felt his smile soften. “Hi, Sam. And I believe what you were trying to say was that you thought I was dead, right?”

“Of course!” Sam replied indignantly. “I mean, I saw the wing prints! How are you _not_ dead?”

Gabriel frowned slightly, processing the information. “Wait – you came in after the fight?” He faltered. “I thought you just left with Dean and Kali straight away.”

“No,” Sam protested. “I was- I’d _hoped_ …” He sighed. “Never mind. How the hell are you still alive?”

With a wiggle of his eyebrows, Gabriel replied. “Sorry, can’t tell you what happened. That is,” he continued with a slight frown. “If I knew what happened.”

He could tell by the look on Sam’s face that the hunter was completely confused. “I’m sorry, what?”

Gabriel sighed and slid off the table, stretching is arms a little. “To put it simply, I have no idea what happened. Maybe it was Lucifer, or Michael, maybe it was Dad proving my point of his disappearance wrong. Maybe I’m immune to my own blade.”

Sam grimaced. “Isn’t there some sort of rule that says you shouldn’t kill people with their own weapons?”

“Dunno. Maybe,” Gabriel replied with a shrug. “Either way, big bro Luci didn’t get that memo.”

The next question took Gabriel a little by surprise.

“So you’re…you’re okay, then?”

To mess with Sam a little bit more, Gabriel pretended to check over himself, patting himself down and frowning, before lifting his head back up again. “I think so!”

Sam nodded at the confirmation, before taking a couple of steps forward and pulling Gabriel into a bear hug. “Welcome back then, dude.”

Gabriel frowned at the sudden token of affection, before wrapping his arms around the hunter and hugging back. “Uh, okay. Thanks, Sam.”

He felt the Winchester stiffen, before pulling away, cheeks red and scratching the back of his neck. “Well, I, uh- yeah. No problem.”

Holding back a chuckle at the hunter’s obvious awkwardness, Gabriel decided to try and satisfy his curiosity a second time. “So…after I died…you came back.”

He knew straight away that he’s gone to the wrong topic as Sam shifted uncomfortable. “Well, yeah, I did. What else?”

Gabriel dropped his head. “Sorry, I’ll stop.”

“No...” Sam protested, and Gabriel eyes snapped up again. “I just- I had to make sure, you know? That he killed you. I – _we_ – we needed you. And I was kinda hoping, y’know, that you were tricking us again.” He shuffled back a bit, shrugging non-committedly.

The archangel’s gaze softened. “Sam, I would never trick you guys again. Not after Crawford Hall…and Mystery Spot…and TV Land. I wouldn’t do that again, I promise.”

Sam rolled his eyes and snorted. “Sure, Gabriel. I believe you.”

“What?” Gabriel blinked. “You don’t- crap. I meant it, Sam. I don’t want to do that to you again. I gave you boys hell – especially you.”

Sam raised his eyebrows in a dubious look. “You didn’t kill _me_ hundreds of times, Gabriel.”

“But I made you see your brother die a hundred times!” Gabriel protested. “Death brings more pain to the witness, not the target.”

The hunter waved his hand dismissively. “Doesn’t matter, Gabriel. Anyway, isn’t being brought back to life like a ‘get out jail free’ card? Everything’s forgiven, forget about it.”

The archangel tilted his head, confused. “But- resurrected or not, seeing your brother die too many times to count isn’t exactly something you can forgive someone for easily.”

He could see Sam slowly getting more agitated. “Yeah, well, it’s done. I said to forget it. I don’t care anymore.”

Sam’s words came and passed, and the room fell into a heavy silence, before the hunter struck up conversation once more. “Whatever. How long have you been back?”

Time had always been hard for Gabriel to understand – he wasn’t used to separating time into separate minutes, days, years… “Not long, I think. Maybe a month or two? Got bored globetrotting.”

The hunter’s face moulded into a trademark bitch face. “And you didn’t think it would be a good idea to tell us you were back when you got back, or what?”

Words died on Gabriel’s lips. “I was never really considered a friend to you boys. Didn’t think any of you would really care if I came back. Wasn’t sure if you even _wanted_ me back.”

“Of course I want you back!” Sam exclaimed, throwing his arms up in exasperation. “Why _wouldn’t_ we want to back?”

Gabriel forced down the laughter that bubbled up inside him, and instead raised his voice. “Oh, maybe because I’m a jerk? And a coward? And selfish, and a liar? And kind of a murderous monster? Maybe because I’d hurt you guys too many times to count, and thought you’d never want me back?”

“I _needed_ you!” Sam burst, and Gabriel flinched. 

The hunter sighed. “Yeah, you’re kind of an asshole, but so is Dean! You _died_ for us, Gabriel; that kind of makes up for it, y’know?”

Gabriel shook his head. “The Bible is wrong, Sam. Dying doesn’t forgive all sins. Especially seeing as I’m meant to be a sinless being in the first place.”

“Well, in our books, dying _does_ forgive your sins,” Sam argued, and Gabriel only just held back the peal of laughter that was threatening to escape. “And yeah, Gabriel, you kind of _are_ sinless. Doesn’t that come with being an archangel?”

Gabriel allowed himself a snort. “All that crap was kind of dashed after I decided to run away, Sam. And do you forgive Azazel? Forgive Lilith? Forgive every other villain in this weird-as-all-hell story of yours?”

Sam’s cheeks reddened. “No, because they didn’t help us. You’re not them. That stuff you did, that doesn’t matter.

“But _why_?” Gabriel exclaimed. “I still don’t understand why it doesn’t matter! Why is all of Heaven, Hell and in between would you forgive me for _killing your brother_? Anyone else who did that – they’re dead!”

He could see Sam’s chest heaving, but his voice was calm and deliberate. “Well, you’re not anyone else, are you? But Gabriel, you brought him back. That’s what matters.”

They were going around in circles, and Gabriel still didn’t understand. “But I don’t _get_ it! Why aren’t I anyone else? Why am I so special? I’m just another monster-of-the-week that happened to be a little more difficult to kill. And what? I see those damn pleading eyes o’ yours and figure I’ve made mistake for killing for brother and bring him back, and that gives me a pass?”

Sam deflated a little, still a bit tense. “You’re not a monster, Gabriel. And yeah, bringing my brother back from the dead gives you a pass, and so does giving your life to protect two people you don’t even give a rat’s ass about. Now can you please just _drop_ it?”

“You don’t- you don’t think I-” Knowing he was getting worked up again, Gabriel tried to breathe evenly. “Of course I care about you and Dean. Of course I’m gonna protect you. That’s why I wanted you to say yes – because I thought after the big death match, both of you would get out of it unharmed.” 

The hunter stared, then rolled his eyes. “Oh, yeah, we’ll get out a death match unharmed. Good thinking. Because I, as Lucifer’s vessel, am going to Heaven. Makes total sense. Dean I can understand, but I’m destined for burning for all eternity, and all that.”

Gabriel’s eyes widened. “You- _you_ go to Hell? Sam, you were born to be a villain, yet you came out a hero. If anyone deserves to go to Heaven, it’s you.”

“Gabriel,” Sam growled, and Gabriel felt his grace curl in on itself at the suddenly menacing tone, “If you don’t shut up about this, you’re banned from the bunker. And every motel we stay at. Don’t think I can actually do that, but I can sure as hell try.”

As Sam’s words faded, Gabriel felt his hands begin to shake. Just a little. And no, no, he was _not_ going to tear up. Knowing Sam had noticed, he stuck his hands inside his jacket pockets and turned his back on the hunter. “Okay.”

Behind him, he could hear Sam sigh shakily. “Gabe, I- I’m- are you alright?”

Forcing the tears back, Gabriel stretched his mouth into a smile and turned back to face the Winchester. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Sam knitted his eyebrows in an obvious look of concern. “Because I was kind of an asshole, and you- you were shaking a bit, dude.

“Asshole?” Gabriel replied, trying for a dubious tone. “Nah. I mean, I was the one pushing you.”

The hunter pushed his hair back from where it had fallen in front of his eyes. “No, dude. I was being a dickwad. I wouldn’t actually do that to you, Gabe.”

With a sudden feeling of dread, Gabriel felt the shaking move down to his legs, and he straightened them, looking Sam dead straight in the eye. “Maybe not when you’re happy, but when I stick around?” He heard his voice wobble and took a deep breath. “When I stick around, and get annoying and bug you and just end a burden, you’d think otherwise, I can guarantee.”

“I doubt having you around would burden us, Gabe.” Sam replied softly, then broke out into a tiny smile. “I mean, you _are_ kind of annoying, but that’s part of your charm.”

Gabriel could feel his cheeks slowly turning pink, and he smiled slightly. “Of course I’d burden you, Sam. I’m not a hunter. I don’t sleep. I’d piss you off for fun, I’d get in the way.” The shaking was slowly moving up his arms and he tried not to grimace at the lump in his throat. “What part of me is charming, anyway? I have to _create_ people to be around me.”

He was crumbling, slowly, he could feel it, he was slowly crumbling from the inside out and it was obvious from the look on Sam’s face that he _knew_. “G-Gabe, I…fuck.” He stepped forward hesitantly, and Gabriel stood his ground, trying not to shy away. “We…we need some humour in our lives, and Cas…Cas isn’t a hunter. You could keep him company, I mean, he doesn’t sleep either. You won’t get in the way, dude. You’d be helping us out. And, uh…well, you’re charming because- well, you just are. And you, uh…you wouldn’t have to create me and Dean and Cas to be around you. You’re- you’re one of us, Gabe.” He took another step forward. “Okay?”

And crap, the trembling was moving to his shoulders and he was shaking like a fucking _leaf_ because Sam was...dammit, he was actually telling the truth and he wanted Gabriel around and…and he could feel his voice crack as he replied, “O-okay.”

Sam nodded slowly, cautiously moving a bit closer. “Gabe – you sure you’re alright?”

_No. No. No no no no nononono-_ “I don’t know.” Gabriel replied quietly. He tried to take a step away but damn, that was a big mistake, because suddenly his legs weren’t holding him up and he was falling-

Eyes widening, Sam darted forward to catch the archangel. “H-holy…What’s- what’s happened? Are you…no, you’re not okay, why am I even asking? Fuck, Gabe-”

Gabriel squeezed his eyes shut, because _you’re not crying, you’re not crying, you’re not gonna cry, and he forced his lip to stop fucking trembling, you idiot, just stop-_ “It’s okay, Sam.” He forced out, voice barely audible. “Just a- just a little _shaken_ up, I guess.” Despite himself, he chuckled a little.

Sam snorted and his whole body vibrated against Gabriel’s. “That was _awful,_ dude. Now – what’s- I…Gabe, what’s going on?”

The archangel drew in a long, shuddering breath. “Can’t- can’t talk, or else I-” _Or else I’m gonna burst into fucking tears right here, right now, in front of you and I don’t want-_ “Just…not good.”

“Okay, okay,” Sam murmured softly, lowering himself to a seating position on the floor, and pulling the archangel into lap, cradling him, _like a fucking baby-_

And suddenly, yep, he couldn’t…couldn’t hold in anymore, couldn’t fucking stupid hold it in _don’t you fucking dare_ anymore, and, chest heaving, he let a sob escape from his lips, just a single sob, and _dammit Gabriel, now he knows you’re fucking weak, you had one job, and you blew it-_

“Hey, hey,” Sam whispered in his ear, swallowing thickly and wrapping his arms around Gabriel’s waist to pull him closer and burying his face in Gabriel’s hair and rocking him back and forth, and he just felt so warm and solid and comforting and Gabriel couldn’t stop it and the wave crashed over his head and he couldn’t stop the sobs racking his body and he could hear Sam going _shh, shh,_ so quiet and so gentle and so soothing…

“I’m sorry.” Gabriel whispered, head buried in Sam’s shoulder. “’m sorry, Sam.”

“No, Gabe,” Sam replied calmly, hands rubbing up and down Gabriel’s back. “Don’t be sorry, man.”

Gabriel lifted his head a little. He had to continue, he had to make Sam realise how much he was a _fucking coward selfish stupid-_ “Why not, Sam? ‘ve been horrible to you, not to mention your brother, and then I just fucking break down for no reason-”

“It’d okay, Gabe,” Sam replied evenly, squeezing the archangel’s shoulder reassuringly. “I don’t care. Well, yeah, I do, but- but not about what you did. Alright?”

Gabriel pulled back to look at Sam. His own eyes were red and he was smiling hopefully, eyes glistening, and it was a miracle that Gabriel didn’t break down again right there and then, but he smiled back slightly. “Yeah. Alright.”

**Author's Note:**

> Uh, yeah. Hope it wasn't that horrible.
> 
> I may make a series out of this, but I'm not sure.
> 
> You can follow me on [tumblr](http://blackeyedbela.tumblr.com).
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
